Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
