haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
