names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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