I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm both gender and math confused
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
