i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize