How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
