So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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