I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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