that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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