now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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