This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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