Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I supernannyed him into submission
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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