I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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