Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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