I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
