Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
