chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My legs feel like baby dolphins
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
