Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
