What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
