That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
