His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
