Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
