Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
