so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
