apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
