Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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