Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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