If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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