I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
