but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
