Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
