My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
