It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
