omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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