What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
