Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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