he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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