Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
