There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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