I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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