You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
