I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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