apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
