In the future we'll all be gay
I will die if light touches me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
