you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
