At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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