I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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