I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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