No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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