Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
