masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
