I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
