Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
