high people should be assigned attendants
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
