Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
