i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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