My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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