Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
