we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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