i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
