i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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