Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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