If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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