loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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