I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
