My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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