Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
