at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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