After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
