There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
