The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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