At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
