dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
