If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
