Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
