Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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