Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
