Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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