And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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