well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
