put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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