My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
