In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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