I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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