she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
