Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
